Have you been struggling with getting a divorce so you can be in a new relationship? Are you in love and do you want to marry the person you have met?

You are no different from the rest of us--you want to be happy in a relationship with a life partner. However, you are in danger of falling into one of the common relationship traps that happen when we dont know how to solve the problems of our own life.

A trap is an unsolvable problem that can drive us into the arms of another, thinking we can get our needs met there...instead of looking within to find what it is we are missing in our life. A trap results in unhappiness and relationship failure. If you are not careful, you may repeat this pattern over and over.

What can you do to alleviate the marriage to divorce to marriage challenge?

Confront and handle emotional neediness with a professional.

The roar of fear is louder than these words, but if you can listen, you are in danger of going from one relationship to another with no growing time in-between. Be careful about becoming committed to someone before knowing who he or she is. You may think you know, but unless you are making this choice from a place of emotional strength and financial independence, you have some other alternatives going on.

Work with a counselor on the issues of who you are and what your ideal life would look like.

It's hard to discover that when you are married to one person and longing to be with someone else. Once you are committed or married to the new person, there is great pressure to make the relationship work. There is no time or space for you to discover you.

What are the qualities and characteristics you want and need in a relationship? Are you sure this new person has them, or are you doing some projecting?

If you are in the process of getting a divorce, you are not ready to make a careful relationship choice, and determine if someone is right for you. Develop a vision for your life. Get clear about your purpose. Get some help understanding your choices and what drives them.

Are you expecting this new person to be your ideal partner, and to live happily ever after without any of the same issues from your past marriage resurfacing?

Its a big leap from the immature belief of finding Prince Charming or Cinderella, to taking personal responsibility for yourself and your relationship choices. We all have to grow enough to know how to be a person of choices, not just grab onto a life raft that comes floating by.

If you need to clutch onto something or someone for support or help or hope...get some counseling soon. You deserve a life of happiness, peace, and love. Unfortunately, you probably will not find it if you fall into the marriage to divorce to marriage syndrome.

Tonja Weimer

Tonja Evetts Weimer is a Master Certified singles relationship and life coach, speaker, syndicated columnist and author.

Tonja is a full time professional coach with a practice in Greenville, SC. She helps individuals, especially singles, re-craft their lives and find happiness and success in their career and relationships. Some of Tonja's professional activities include:

==> Syndicated singles relationship columnist, writing SAVVY DATING, a weekly column read by over a million readers in many U.S newspapers. Tonja's column addresses relationship and life issues of interest to all adults, but particularly to the over 110 million singles in the U.S. Tonja has also had articles published in New Woman, Hope, and House Beautiful magazines, and has won 3 Matrix Awards for her writing.

==> Motivational speaker, Tonja has been a keynote presenter at national and international conferences over the last 30 years.

==> Author of materials for educators and parents (7 books, six music albums and 2 videos), which have won 22 awards.

Some Speaking and Media Highlights:

==> Keynote speaker for 2004 Women?s Issues Network Conference, Sumter, SC.

==> Keynote speaker for 2002 Parents as Teachers International Conference, St. Louis, MO.

==> Keynote speaker for 1999 International Conference for Children & Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder.

==> Keynote speaker for 1998 European Education Conference, in Mannheim, Germany.

==> Keynote speaker in 35 U.S. states at educational conferences.

==> Presenter at the International Special Olympics in Notre Dame, at the request of Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

==> Created Space Songs for Children, at the request of NASA (album taken into space by astronauts three times.)

==> Appeared on CNN?s Showbiz Today and many other TV shows.

Educational and Professional Qualifications:

==> National Fellow (U.S. Dept. of Education.) M.A. in Human Development and Education, with an emphasis on creativity.

==> Master Certified Singles Relationship Coach, Relationship Coaching Institute.

==> Personal Life Coach, Graduate, Institute for Life Coach Training.

==> Member, International Coaching Federation