The first part of a management approach is that the parents are clearly in charge.

Notice I am saying in charge, not in control.

Now in no way am I saying that parents should let teens do whatever they want. There is way too much of that going around already.

Actually I am saying just the opposite. A key sign of a strong and healthy family is when the parents are clearly in charge of the situation.

Authoritarian vs. authoritative

The key distinction here, the difference that makes the difference, is between an authoritarian parenting style and an authoritative parenting style. An authoritarian style comes from a controlling approach, while an authoritative style comes from a management approach.

A good example of an authoritarian style can be found in the book and movie "The Great Santini." This family was ruled by the iron hand of the father, a military man who tried to run his family just like his troops, complete with morning inspections.

The best example I've seen of an authoritative style is the Huxtables of "The Cosby Show." If you think back to the show or watch the reruns, you will notice that in the Huxtable family, the parents are clearly in charge.

At the same time, there is compassion, caring and guidance for all the family members. One strong indication of this is that while each child may not always get a vote, they almost always get a voice.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com